Last night as I lay sleeping
I died or so it seemed
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream
Up there St Peter met me
Standing at the pearly gates
He said "I must check your record
Please stand here and wait."
He turned and said "your record
Is covered with terrible flaws
On earth I see you rallied
For every losing cause.
I see that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too
Fact is you're done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin."
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand and said "come in."
He lead me up to the big boss and said
"Take him in and treat him well.
He used to work in a call centre
He's done his time in hell