Hi folks.

We've all come across them from time to time; the office bully, the manager with something to prove, the unruly supervisor with an attitude. My question, as another prompt for discussion, is what should be done to prevent it?

Is it a symptom of management style, the workplace environment, the company ethos or is it simply just 'one of those things'? Of course, nobody wants to be on the receiving end of bullying, but a recent survey conducted in the UK suggests that bullying by supervisors/managers is far more prevalent in the customer service industry than in most others, and that concerns me somewhat!

So, let us hear about your experiences, stories, ways of dealing with the bullies, etc. Or, controversially, maybe you have been the bully - if so, please don't be afraid to contribute, but if you wish anonymity, please email us and we will not reveal who you are (we will post on your behalf so that you don't get any flack).

John

For those who are unfortunate enough to know me this 'revalation' may come as something of a shock...

I once worked for an American worldwide enviromental controls company as a salesman. As an out and out engineer I joined because people had always asked me if I was a salesman and these people promised to train me in sales.

I went through all the courses and, even though I say it myself, astounded people - except one, my immediate sales manager. He hated me as soon as I started achieving the good marks and results. I was told afterwards that he felt threatened by me but at the time I simple couldn't work out what I was doing wrong and why everything I did was wrong.

All of the sales team had targets. Everyone else was established, knew the products, their patches and their people - I was new. Six months in I had reached 90% of my pro rata targets (middle performance of all the team) but every sales meeting this weak willed tosser (said with much affection!) would pick on my (socalled) failings. Whatever I did he would find fault with. No matter how hard I tried, he found something because that was what he was focussing on. It came to a head one month when he sent back my expenses. Not because they were wrong, not because I hadmissed something, not because I had put it on the wrong form but because I had not stapled the receipts in "date order facing the reader attached to the back of the expeses form rather than the front" I explained to him where he might find his job if he looked hard enough...

During the preceding couple of months I found myself with this rash all over my arms and legs with itched continuously and kept me awake nights. The doctor diagnosed it, after much searching in text books, and within 5 days of my leaving it had completely disappeared never to be seen again.

Only with the benefit of advancing years have I come to realise that was a fairly typical case of workplace bullying. At the time the phrase 'bullying' never once occured to me or my wife.

About two years ago quite by chance I came across a web site that opened my eyes. Its URL is http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/index.htm

Having gone through it, I can honestly say if it the phrase even crosses your mind go check out this site and its checklist. With emplyment law as it stands today, chatting very privately with your HR department about your feelings (armed with your printout from the site) will invariably stop it DEAD in its tracks. Businesses simply cannot afford to have bullying cases hanging over their heads and more importantly they want no truck with that kind of behaviour.

David

PS Mr A Crawley if you are reading this, I miss you!

Hi folks.

I'd say that David speaks a lot of sense when he says that modern firms are 'anti-bullying', and that site, which I've created as a hyperlink for all you lazy people ;-) seems to be a valuable source of useful advice which can go into more depth than we ever could here.

My own thoughts on hearing about xxxx's tale, and then again on reading David's one, is that it definitely must seem sometimes that you're on your own with these things, but in reality I suspect that it's rarely true. As some of you may know, I split my time between CCV and client sites, and at the moment actually spend a fair amount of my time on-site at a large bank. Without going into it in too much depth, bullying seems to be rife here. I think in a lot of cases it is the result of managers or people promoted into positions of responsibility over others whilst having some kind of a 'chip' on their shoulder.

Best advice Iknow of is to be upfront; don't suffer in silence, speak out to someone you trust in the organisation, find out if others are being bullied and if so, organise yourselves together to present a 'case' to the bully's superiors.

John

...I recently read a very interesting (read: full of statistics) article about bullying in the workplace, it's costs to the company and some strategies to overcome it.

I now cannot find it....

However, in searching for it, I found a fewinteresting web sites that you may find useful on the topic of bullying:

1. www.fastcompany.com/online/41/sgodin.html -- Excellent article with some examples of the negative impact of bullying and some ways to combat it.

2. www.bbc.co.uk/education/archive/bully/ -- Have not explored all related links, but this site looks thorough.

3. www.bullying.org/ -- Empathetic viewpoints, at my first glance, very helpful I'm sure.

Now, here's what I think (surprise): I'm not sure what the 'corporate culture' looks like elsewhere, but in the States, some poorly run organizations can deaden one's spirit. The pure fear of reprisal (ie, extra work, public humiliation, not being promoted, not getting bonus or a raise) creates a bullying atmosphere. A person's own desire to create a career within an organization is actually leveraged against him/her - the desire to 'be a good soldier' and to 'be the go-to person' makes people willing to put up with less-than-professional behaviorfrom their peers and superiors.

As someone who has been in a little hot water once in a while for saying exactly what I think (another surprise, I'm sure), my simple opinion is this: life is too short not to love your job. If you don't look forward to going to work every day, and the reason is that your boss/organization has a bullying mentality, then either change it or leave. By the way, if you can't tell, I do love my job and my organization - but it took some time to get here...

It takes courage to stand up to a bully. You may even have to temporarily become one yourself to the bully-er. The first link above gives some great advice on how to approach it professionally. It also gives some good business-to-business examples of inter-company bullying, and its negative effects. I'd really like to hear opinions on that topic, if anyone cares to share.

Brent

I don't know if this will help anyone deal with a bully, but it might.
A Teleconnecting Concept called: Matching Energy. On the phone it means if you want to make a connection, speak at about the same rate, pitch and tone as the person you are speaking with. The premise is to 'connect' and people can only hear and listen at about the same speed that they talk. In person, you have more senses to deal with, visuals, etc.

Anywho, in the case of bullying. I find myself matching energy a lot. Another good word might be 'mirroring'. When a person is offensive or a bully or just a rude 'mutha' then reflect themselves back to them. One doesn't have to lower ones self, simply repeat back what they said at the same rate, tone and pitch. In person, it's extra juicy because you can mimick body stance,movement and most especially, eye intensity.

Most bullies, when they see themselves coming back at them, will retreat, run and at least should pause to re-evaluate. Many of them don't really know how they come across and will be surprised, if not repulsed, if you match their energy and words (verbatum) back to them. Many, are just overdoing their own bravo in an attempt to avoid being the victim of a bully - ironic as it may be.

Hope this helps.

(Sing songy) "Neener Neener Neener, can't hurt me!"

@ Your Service,
LoriAnne